Fast food. Fast cars. Fast money. Fast information. Fast communication. Fast connections.
We live in a world built around speed.
We can send a message across the country in seconds. Research a company before walking into a meeting. Connect with almost anyone on LinkedIn. Ask AI a question and have an answer before we finish our coffee.
In many ways, that’s progress.
But somewhere along the way, I think we’ve started expecting relationships to move at the same speed.
Meet someone today. Connect tomorrow. Make the ask on Friday.
I see it all the time in business. Someone wants an introduction to a particular person. The introduction is made, and almost immediately the conversation turns to what they need.
An investment.
A referral.
An introduction.
A partnership.
A favor.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with asking for something. Business depends on people asking other people to take meetings, make introductions, consider opportunities and take chances.
The problem is when we confuse making a connection with building a relationship.
Those aren’t the same thing.
The Relationship Capital Account
I’ve always believed relationships work a lot like a capital account.
Every meaningful interaction has the potential to make a deposit.
You make an introduction that helps someone.
Deposit.
You share information without expecting anything in return.
Deposit.
You call someone simply to see how they’re doing.
Deposit.
You show up when there’s nothing in it for you.
Deposit.
You do what you said you were going to do.
Another deposit.
Over time, those deposits begin to compound into something incredibly valuable:
Trust.
And trust becomes relationship capital.
The problem occurs when someone opens the account on Monday and tries to make a $100,000 withdrawal on Tuesday.
There simply hasn’t been enough time, or enough deposits, to build the balance.
Relationship Capital Compounds
One of the things that makes relationship capital so valuable is that it behaves differently from most other assets.
The best relationships often become more valuable with time.
You go through deals together. You make introductions. You solve problems. Sometimes you disagree. Sometimes things don’t work out exactly as planned.
But each experience gives the other person more information about who you are.
Can I trust this person?
Will they do what they say?
Will they tell me the truth when the answer isn’t what I want to hear?
Will they still answer the phone when there’s a problem?
Those questions aren’t answered during an introductory meeting.
They’re answered over time.
And that’s why genuine relationship capital is difficult to shortcut.
You Can Also Overdraw the Account
The financial analogy works in the other direction too.
Relationship capital isn’t unlimited.
You can spend it.
When you introduce two people, you’re putting some of your own reputation behind that introduction.
When you recommend someone for an opportunity, you’re effectively telling the other person:
I trust this person enough to attach my name to them.
That’s a withdrawal.
Sometimes it’s a small one. Sometimes it’s substantial.
And just like a financial account, if someone continually makes withdrawals without making deposits, eventually the account gets depleted.
We’ve probably all experienced this.
Someone only calls when they need something.
Every conversation eventually becomes an ask.
Every introduction leads to another request.
Eventually, you stop answering quite as quickly.
Not because you’re keeping score, but because the relationship has become one-sided.
Give Before You Take
There is an Inc. Magazine article by Jennifer Wines about building relationship capital that makes an important point: strong professional relationships are built through trust, consistency, authenticity and giving before taking.
That last part matters.
Give before you take.
That doesn’t mean every relationship needs to become transactional.
Actually, I believe the opposite is true.
The strongest relationships I’ve developed throughout my career rarely started with a transaction. They started with conversations.
Sometimes about business.
Sometimes about cars.
Sometimes about an idea someone was working through.
And sometimes about absolutely nothing that could ever generate a dollar.
That’s the point.
You’re getting to know the person, not simply evaluating the opportunity.
Access Isn’t the Same as Relationship
Technology has made access easier than ever.
We can identify almost anyone we want to meet. We can see mutual connections. We can learn about someone’s career, company and interests before ever speaking with them.
But access and relationship capital are two very different things.
Someone can introduce you to a CEO, investor, entrepreneur or potential partner tomorrow.
That introduction gives you access.
It doesn’t give you trust.
The introduction simply gives you permission to begin building the relationship.
What happens next matters.
Do you immediately start pitching?
Or do you listen?
Do you figure out what you can get from the relationship?
Or do you first try to understand the person sitting across from you?
That’s where I think modern networking sometimes gets it wrong.
We’ve become incredibly good at creating connections.
We haven’t necessarily become better at creating relationships.
The Most Valuable Currency in Business
I’ve spent much of my career around real estate, automotive, motorsports, entrepreneurs, investors and people building businesses.
The industries change.
The people change.
The opportunities change.
But one thing has remained remarkably consistent:
Business moves through relationships.
Deals often start because someone made an introduction.
Capital moves because someone trusted someone else’s judgment.
Partnerships happen because two people developed enough confidence in one another to take a chance together.
Opportunities appear because someone thought:
“I know exactly who I should call.”
Being the person someone thinks of in that moment is valuable.
But you don’t get there by collecting the most contacts.
You get there by building relationship capital.
Slow Down Where It Matters
I’m not against speed.
I like fast cars.
I like moving quickly when an opportunity presents itself.
And in business, speed can absolutely be a competitive advantage.
But not everything should be accelerated.
Some things are valuable precisely because they take time.
Reputation.
Credibility.
Trust.
Relationships.
Those assets are built through hundreds of small deposits that don’t seem particularly significant when you’re making them.
Until one day they are.
A phone call gets returned.
An introduction gets made.
Someone invites you into a room you weren’t previously in.
Someone brings you an opportunity before anyone else knows about it.
Someone trusts you enough to say:
“You need to meet this person.”
That’s relationship capital producing a return.
And unlike a connection request, you can’t manufacture it overnight.
At Cars & Capital, we often say:
The right room changes everything.
I still believe that.
But I’ve come to believe there’s another part to it.
Getting into the room is access.
What you build once you’re there is relationship capital.
And that may be one of the most valuable assets you’ll ever own.
Originally published in ACCESS, the Cars & Capital newsletter.